Birthdays
When the word birthday is said to a person, what come into mind are all the presents, friends, family, gifts, decorations, parties, balloons, confetti and all the other stuff that has relations to birthdays. But sadly, in my mentality it’s a whole different from what was mentioned above. What makes me say this you ask? Well maybe it’s because that I have not celebrated my birthday for the past eight years….Sad huh? ...Well after all that time you tend to get use to it just like when you’re sick and have to take those nasty medicine. A person gets used to it and gets immune to those things. For my case its birthdays, and I thought I was ok with not celebrating my birthday for the past eight years.
Well that’s life, and the saying which goes ‘life is unfair’ is true. But that does not mean that I don’t celebrate my friends or family birthday. I do celebrate their birthday even when my own family forgets mine. It’s hard being in family that forgets my birthday but remembers my older and younger sister’s birthday. It sucks but I have always been the black sheep of the family anyway. Being shadowed over them constantly has made me immune to it too…hahaha. I guess all the books that said the middle child will be the worst treated is quite true and it sucks more being the only son to the family too. Having and older sister and younger sister that are very bright and I am just not. My elder sis was in EM1 during primary, then special in secondary, completed her biomedical science diploma and now is a doctor assistant. My younger sis in EM1 also and express and still in secondary. Both of them are always in the top classes and here I am in EM2 and normal academic and in five years in secondary and now in poly. In the eyes of other people that maybe quite good or ok but not to the eyes of my family, as they think that I should be the same like my sisters.
Well to make long story short, it just sucks being me with no birthday celebrations. I started realizing that I have not celebrated my birthday since primary six. I used to look forward to my birthdays back then but it was just a dream. Thought of celebrating my birthday but then it turned to be disaster, expected something but nothing came. Then it just hit me, that maybe if don’t care and expect nothing then I won’t feel sad, angry or whatever that feeling is.
I keep avoiding my friends when my birthday is coming. Whenever my birthday is near and my friend asks me, I just lie to them that it’s not. As I know they will do something for me and I just don’t know how to react. I can’t bring a smile or a tear as I just forgot how it feels like to be celebrating my own birthday. I always fake a smile and say I am happy but I will always have a blast at other people birthday to see their reaction when we throw a party for the person or handing the present to the person. Back at home, nothing happens on my day, but when it’s not my day, there will be something like a dinner or something. I seriously have nothing against my family but maybe this is a test from the man above and I’ll accept it. I am ok with my family and I love them but I can say I am the closest to my dad. Don’t know why but we both understand each other.
If there is something that happens for me for my birthday, it never happens at home or with my family. It would be with friends and co-workers. Then the fake smile and the fake emotion of being happy will be back. Now it’s getting harder and harder to hide these things because I am so close to my friends and they know me to well just the same as I know them. As I know that if I get something good, it will not happen again and that is why I just expect nothing and don’t know how to react when these things happen.
(PS. If any of my friends read this and asks me about this. I will just deny it and say it’s was from somewhere that inspire me to write this. Please, it’s hard enough on me already and I enjoy very much being with my friends then at home.)
